Bonding is a Boon

Why attachment is important

From the moment they arrive, ba­bies are ready to teach us what they need. And as you learn, recognize, and provide what they need, you will teach your children about the world around them. Although this two-way process doesn't happen overnight – think of it as more of a journey than a destination – it is one of the most important, if not the most important, journeys you can take with your child.

According to a growing body of scientific evidence, children with re­sponsive caregivers during the first year of life develop a stronger ability to manage stress, form healthier relationships, perform better in school, and enjoy higher self-worth. Overall, they have a greater shot at a well-balanced and fulfilling life.

Respond to that child.

You can make a difference

Most scientists believe that what makes the difference between healthy and unhealthy attachment is the parent's response. Ignoring or rejecting the baby's needs, or react­ing inconsistently to them, tends to create an insecure attachment. Self-absorbed, controlling, abusive, and hostile caregiving can have long-lasting, damaging effects.

But when parents react sensitively, reassuringly, and consistently to their child, they create a secure, healthy attachment. The reason? To an infant, it's important that caregivers understand what he or she needs. When that happens, the baby learns to trust.

Dependence leads to independence

A key concept in attachment theory is that a child's dependence ultimately leads to independence. In other words, it's only when children feel they can count on their parents to be available – and when they consis­tently find the world to be a safe and approachable place – that they develop the confidence to fully explore and play on their own.

That's not to say the child should get whatever he or she wants, notes child psychologist Kori Skidmore. Rather, when the baby expresses a need or desire, the parent should give an "I hear you" sign.

For example, you stop in a shopping mall restroom to change a diaper and your 6-month-old stages a loud protest. You don't give in – you just calmly start changing the diaper while acknowledging the child's distress by saying, "I know it's annoying. It must be terrible to have a wet diaper. I bet you'll feel so much better. And then we can go outside. Won't that be fun?" The words won't mean anything, but your tone reassures the child that you get it. You understand your baby's discomfort or pain.

Why the first year is key

This kind of attention is espe­cially important during the first year because that's when the brain is growing the fastest. In particular, the emotion-focused right brain is developing rapidly (it slows down in the second year). While babies don't remember specific moments during these early months, they rely on what they've experienced to retrieve emotions.

For instance, they will turn toward a comforting person for help in managing the stress of their world, especially if they've had a loving exchange with that per­son before. Being responsive and emotionally available to your child reinforces this connection.

In fact, building healthy attachment is an ongoing process. As children grow and gain the confidence to reach out into the world, parents are their teachers. Even teenagers need a safe place to turn and responsive­ness from people who care. The emotional connections, established in the first year and strengthened over childhood and adolescence, will help your baby become a happy, productive adult. You'll be a much happier parent as well.